The first week at drug rehab consisted of this daily routine of going to meetings in small groups with counselors, as well as meeting with family members and drug counselors.  In the evenings after these meetings with various drug counselors and possibly a short meeting with a psychiatrist earlier in the day, we attended AA meetings.  We all had sign-off cards in which we were supposed to hand to the person chairing the meeting after that meeting was over.  The chairperson would sign-off that we had attended that AA meeting.  Everybody was instructed to go to at least one AA meeting every day while in rehab.  However the treatment center was really unable to control what you did in the evenings.  Some of us, (me included) decided that we didn’t need to go to an AA meeting every night.  Again, this first week in rehab I was still just referring to myself as a marijuana addict.  Truly, I was in denial that I was an alcoholic as well.  One evening in particular I and my new found friend Jay decided that it would be fun if we went to a local bar and had just one beer and then attend a movie.  We had made this decision while driving back from the local cigar shop where Jay bought some cigars.
For whatever reason, we needed to stop back by the halfway house before going out that night.  Once we entered the halfway house some other addicts spotted me and Jay and insisted that we go with them to an AA meeting, because they knew neither one of us had been to a meeting in a few days.  This was the first of what I would refer to as “strange events” that happened to me in early recovery.  If it had not been for the other people in the halfway house that evening, Jay and I would have gone to the movies and would have relapsed.  After attending the AA meeting that night I realized what a big mistake I almost made.  Alcoholics and addicts must refrain from the using drugs and alcohol.  Any use of alcohol or other drug typically will cause the craving effect to reoccur in that person.  The craving phenomenon is so strong that an alcoholic/addict will usually migrate his way back to his drug of choice.  This migration may take some time.  In fact, you might be able to get away with drinking alcohol instead of smoking pot for a couple months.  But sooner or later you will find yourself using your drug of choice again.  The main problem I faced in early recovery was realizing that I was also an alcoholic and could not drink or use any drugs again.  This “almost relapse” was caused by a denial.  Denial is not believing that you have an alcohol or drug problem.  Denial is something that you will find prevalent in almost every alcoholic or addict in the beginning of their recovery.  Denial in itself is probably the worst part of the disease.  Denial is probably the hardest and most difficult thing for the drug counselors, the family members, and the psychiatrist to arrest in the mind of the alcoholic and or addict.  If it wasn’t for denial, alcoholism and drug addiction would be much easier to treat.    At the treatment center, I learned that addiction itself had a specific goal.  The goal of addiction “the disease” is to kill the individual in whatever possible way it can.  The killing of the individual can be accomplished by the disease in so many ways.  The disease might cause a person to overdose on drugs, the disease might cause the individual to get into a car wreck, the disease could even cause the person to even commit suicide.

The reason people have such a hard time stopping is because of denial.  Once the addict or alcoholic can get past denial (and want to stop) he or she is on their way to recovery.  For me, the denial was also very strong.  The type of denial that I experienced felt like a war going on inside my head.  To combat this war I used some of the early sayings that I’ve learned in AA meetings.  The one I used the most was: “fake it until you make it”.  I would continue to use “fake it until you make it” for quite some time (maybe 6 months) after leaving the treatment center.
<<-- Go Back or Continue –>>